2018. Moving On

Time flies so fast, real fast. I still hoping that Mr. Time will wait for me while I am trying to understand how this world works, but it won't happen. Last year, I got a great opportunity thru scholarship I can go to South Korea to learn their language deeper. That 4 months were definitely a great time for me at once a hard time for me. By the hard that I mean is, I learned a lot of things. As now is winter break, I went back to Indonesia to spend my break with my family and my beloved ones. Honestly, I don't want to go back to South Korea, I hate to leave my family and my friends. I realized while I was studying there I missed a lot of moments with my people. My niece's first birthday, my dad's birthday, and more. Then I realized another thing, that's part of life. We have to move on. Life will never be the same as it used to be. One by one people leave you, not completely leave you, but they will busy with their own life and you have to move on with your own life too. I have two older brothers, and when they got married one by one, I was so sad because I felt that from now on they will have their own family and we will not be together as we used to be. But, that is life. My friends, one by one they got married and it will not be the same as we used to be. Chats, will not as long as it used to be. Calls, will not as easy as it used to be. Meetups, will not as often as it used to be. We busy with our own life, our own problems, and anything else. All of that, taught me if that is the cycle of life. We have to keep moving on. We have to realize that things will never be the same as before. On the other side, better opportunities, better chances, better things are waiting for us.

I haven't made my new year resolutions this year, but for sure is one, will try to move on from the thing that I used to.

Happy New Year 2018, people!

IT'S REAL GUYS!

The reason why I haven't been posted for a while is that because I'm in the middle of doing a thing that I wait for years. Okay, I can't call that a reason, but yeah sorry not sorry guys. Haha

Anyway, I'm going to South Korea soon!! Real soon!! Not for traveling, for studying. FOR. STUDYING! Oh, my God. Still can't believe it, but it's real. I feel like have a thing to remind myself every single time that all of this is real.

So, I'd been preparing for all things together and it's so complicated, requires a lot of time and documents prepared.

The thing that I want to share with you is, I got scholarship !! Yeay!!

Not a full scholarship tho, just the tuition but it's more than enough for me because the most expensive thing when you wanna go studying abroad is the tuition, isn't it?

Short story, after a long wait, my Dad finally gave me permission to pursue my study. That's why all of this can happen and of course with permission of Him. Thank you, God. I can't thank You enough.

It's the best thing ever that happened to me this year. In the beginning of the year, I promise myself to do something that I really want and to get out from my comfort zone and He gives me the way and it's much more than I expected. Beyond my imagination.

Fyi, I got a scholarship language school for the Korean language. Yes, I do have a plan to pursue my master degree too in South Korea, but first I have to know more about their language, right?

I will update you soon with more information about how I got the scholarship and where is the university that I got in.

I'll be back ;)

idk

Sometimes, I have a thought to shut down all my social media accounts including this blog. Should I?

Hello June! It's Getting Closer.

Time surely flies so fast.
We are already in the sixth chapter of this year, already a half of it!!

In the beginning of the year, I told myself to make this year as my year and now I'm in progress to make it come true guyssss.. Yay!!

Everything wasn't going easily as I wish, there are still some obstacles that I got. Not a big obstacles tho, but big enough to make me give up. Yeap

The more I did something to get me closer to thing that I want, the more I feel afraid to face it.

Yet I need to keep going to see what's waiting for me.

I am a deep thinker, you know. So, I decided to tell my close friend, when I told her about what I am feeling about, she told me something that makes me realize that I still hold on my own strength. She told me,"You have to believe in Him. Believe what he already prepared for your future. If you are afraid, that means you're not believing Him enough to put your life in Him. And, it means you're arrogant. You have to put your faith in Him. As long as you do your best, everything will be alright."

I am still afraid tho, human indeed. However, I'll try as hard as I can. I'll try to believe in His plan and to put my faith in Him. Sounds so holy tho, haha. Yet it's the truth.

Mom.

It's been 8 years since you've been gone.

It's still like a dream for me.

I'm still wishing you were here.

Surely, there was a time when I terribly wanted you to be by my side.

When I didn't know which way to go, what choice that I should make.

If you were still alive, I'm sure that you'll help me how to choose the good one without pushing me to do what you wanted me to do.

If you were still alive, I promise I would be a better daughter for you, even not a perfect one.

If you were still alive, I would like to take a ton of selfies with you. I realized that we didn't take pictures enough Haha

If you were still alive, I believe that you would be my best friend ever. Mom and daughter squad! Yay ;)

If you were still alive...

I believe everything would be different if you were still here.

Nonetheless, I'm so thankful to you, Mom.

I realized that I should treasure every moment, every second of it.

Tell people around me that I'm so thankful for their presence.

Tell Dad that I love him, as much as possible, still a little bit weird tho, Mom. HAHA

But I want to make sure that I didn't make the same mistakes as I did to you. 

I promise I will be a good daughter, a good sister, and a good friend for people who care about me.

You're continuing to teach me how to be a better me, even when you're gone.

Miss you a little bit too much.

I always will be your little naughty daughter ;)

Love you, Mom. Always and forever ♥

Fear.

These days, the world is getting scarier.

Do It for Yourself

Surely, all of us want to be a better version of ourselves. We keep improving ourselves in anyways. In the middle of changing ourselves for becoming a better one, we hurt ourselves; we push ourselves too hard but we do not realize it. Do not realize that we are not changing ourselves to become a better one but ironically, we do hurt ourselves more in a stealthy way. Some of us, changing ourselves for ourselves. Some of us, changing ourselves for other people. It's a great thing if you change yourselves to improve your idea of yourself. BUT! It's not a good thing if you change yourself for others. Just to make a good impression on them. Believe me. There's no end of it.

Yeah, I know, even the reason is for ourselves, there's no end of it too. But at least, it does not hurt us because we do it for ourselves. Not somebody else.

We will never be enough in someone eyes, even if we do everything as they say. We will never be enough. Our standard and their standard are different. Every one of us has a different standard.

So, why do you have to change for them? 

Change yourself for you.

A better you, your idea of you, not someone else.

Stop Thinking, Start Doing.

I heard this word a lot, many times, from anyone.

I am a thinker, deep-thinker. I always thinking a lot before deciding on something. Does it a good thing? Yes, it is a good thing BUT if you do it appropriately. Not too much. Here I am, doing it excessively. Just think, think, and think. Walking on the same spot, too afraid moving forward. With help from my dearly friends, I started to do something, to do something in my life, at least once. To defeat my own fear.

At the beginning of the year, I promised myself that I will make this year my year. Doesn't mean that I will do a big thing, even I'm hoping for it. Haha. But I mean, I want to make difference in my life which I feel like I wasn't doing anything since I graduated 3 years ago from college. I did something in these past 3 years, of course. Yet, I still thinking about something that I wish I would do 3 years ago. It's not late, far from late. But, as I used to my comfort zone in these past 3 years, I feel the fear is creeping into me. I am so afraid to leave all of this, my family, my friends, and the lifestyle that I used to. On the other hand, my heart is whispering, slowly but often. These past 3 years, I have been struggling often to sleep early because of the voice inside my head. Therefore, I am trying to listen to that voice. I will not waste my time anymore to do something that against my conscience. I will try to follow it, perhaps it's really my call.

Good luck, myself! :)

Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.

Keep going. You are doing okay.

♥

I feel like.. going backwards?

I never had an interest in politic, government, or anything like that because yes, I was a passive citizen. I was being so pessimistic about the thing that happened in my country, not because I don't love my country. But because I am tired. Tired of everything that happened in this country. Now, it's different. I don't want to be a passive citizen and watch my country being crushed. Fyi, I used my rights for the first time back at 2014 and it was a presidential election. Tbh, I didn't like both of the candidates at that time. Okay, maybe because I literally didn't watch TV at all, especially about a politic. So, I used my rights just because I didn't want to waste it. I was being pessimistic at that time because I thought that it won't make any difference tho. However, since then, I gave my interest on politic, even just a little bit. I feel like, Indonesia has a hope. Hope to be a better country and a well-known country worldwide. That hope that I have is just a little dot. A dot that may be other people doesn't even realize about the existing of it. And now, that dot is growing bigger, bigger than before. I start to believe that my country isn't as bad as I used to think. The current president is bringing me a hope, that Indonesia still can make it.

Sadly, it changed. Lately, -well it's not because of the president thing, but yes, election thing- I feel that my dot which was getting bigger before, is becoming smaller, again. Believe it or not, the current affair that happened in my country is causing by Jakarta (capital city of Indonesia) Governor election.  Governor election! Please underline that. Not even the presidential election. Yea, it's a little bit dramatic (or a lot?) over here. I refuse to explain more about what is happening because of my initial reason when I decided to write this post just because I want to share with you about my opinion.
But if you're getting curious about what happened, you just can type "Jakarta Governor Election 2017". And voila! It will come out soooo many news about them.
When I watched the news, I was getting sad and emotional. Why? I mean like, okay people made mistakes, but please it doesn't mean the reason is because of their race or their religion. Race and religion don't determine if the people is a bad person or not. Character is. Can we try to change our way of thinking to become more rational? Judge people, yes, do as you please. But please, don't judge the race and religion. Judge people by their character, their behavior, and their way of thinking. Do as you please. Yeah I know, even the judge word is not good but people will still do that, isn't it? So, yeah.. you know it.
I will try to believe it again, I will try to make my dot gets bigger again. I'm still hoping tho. Hoping that people will finally realize that we're different, by our race, our religion, etc, but still we are Indonesians. We are. Wherever you go, especially if you're going abroad, despite religion that you believe, despite race background that you grew up with, you will still say, "I am from Indonesia, I'm Indonesian", doesn't it? I love my country, Indonesia. That's why I still give my trust in you.
Wishing that everything will be alright because God already prepared the best for all of us, Indonesians.
Good luck, Indonesia! :)

You're Not Everyone's Cup of Tea.

Found this on the internet and wanna share it.

The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do, no matter what you try, will simply not like you. But the world is also filled with those who will love you fiercely. The ones who love you, they are your people.

Don't waste your finite time and heart trying to convince the people who aren't your people that you have value. They will miss it completely. They won't buy what you are selling. Don't try to convince them to walk your path with you because you will only waste your time and your emotional good health. You are not for them and they are not for you. You are not their cup of tea and they are not yours. Politely wave them along and you move away as well. Seek to share your path with those who recognize and appreciate your gifts, who you are.

Be who you are. You're not everyone's cup of tea and that is okay.

There is always a moment where we feel that the whole world against us, don't give us any space to do our thing. But believe me, the world is much a better place than you think. Surely, you will feel depressed, don't want to meet anyone and just want to be alone, but there is always a good thing in a bad thing, isn't it? You just have to watch it thoroughly, deeply. Don't be discourage with little things happened, dear.

Have a nice day.