IT WAS A LONG JOURNEY.

Semua dari kita pasti memiliki mimpi, sesuatu yang kadang kita lepasin untuk menjalani hidup yang jadi pilihan banyak orang. Banyak dari kita yang percaya kalo mimpi adalah sesuatu yang ga perlu dikejar, namun hanya untuk diangan-anganin saja. Aku ga bisa berkata bahwa apa yang akan kuceritain ini merupakan mimpi terbesar dalam hidupku. Tetapi, ini adalah salah satu hal dari hidupku yang ingin kucapai. Let's get it started!

Mendapatkan kesempatan untuk menuntut ilmu di negeri orang menjadi salah satu impian yang ingin dicapai banyak orang, termasuk aku sendiri. Pada saat aku masih menempuh kuliah S1, aku memiliki keinginan untuk meneruskan studi S2 di negeri ginseng, Korea Selatan, yang mana memang pada saat itu, which is 2012, Korea Selatan memang menjadi salah satu negara yang mulai disorot  publik karena drama, k-pop, variety show, etc. And maybe I was the one of victims of it. Memang, aku sudah kenal drama Korea sejak lama karena Mamaku sendiri penggemar drama Korea dan aku jadi ikut-ikutan nonton and that's it, nggak lebih dari itu. Sampai pada akhirnya di tahun 2012, aku dikenalkan oleh temanku variety show Korea yang akhirnya memunculkan keinginanku untuk sekolah disana dan bergabung dengan tim produksi variety show Korea (okay, dream big girl! lol). Variety show Korea pulalah yang akhirnya membuatku tertarik untuk belajar bahasa Korea, dari situ aku mulai belajar otodidak dan mengikuti kelas formal ataupun private class selama 10 bulan (Mungkin?? Jujur aku nggak inget. Haha) dan sisanya, aku belajar otodidak lagi. Keinginanku untuk sekolah disana semakin besar dan menjadi yang akhirnya aku mengutarkan niatku ke Papa, and he approved it. Bahagia deh akunya. Mulai aku mencari-mencari info gimana caranya sekolah disana, sekolah apa yang bagus, kalau mau S2 harus sekolah bahasa berapa lama dulu, everything lah pokoknya. Udah nih persiapan dokumen beres, saat itu rencananya aku mau sekolah bahasa dulu di Yonsei University (salah satu kampus keren di Korea Selatan ini. Hehe). And then suddenly, my dad changed his mind. He forbidded me to school abroad and it was really tearing my heart aparts. I cried a lot, I resisted. I became so quiet and locked myself in my room for 6 months or more, avoided to talk with my Dad. Yes, I know.  It was so childish when I was thinking back about that. Haha.

My Biggest Resolution in 2018

I used to have a bunch of resolutions, but this year I only have one resolution. These past years, no, in my life, I always depend on my own strength to get what I want. If I can't accomplish it, I will get annoyed and mad. However, I do not want to exhaust my energy trying to fight the current but follow it. To put my faith in God, and trust in the journey to be better me.

Don't know what 2018 will bring for me, but I hope, in this new year I have the courage to let God take a lead and trust in His plan.

2018. Moving On

Time flies so fast, real fast. I still hoping that Mr. Time will wait for me while I am trying to understand how this world works, but it won't happen. Last year, I got a great opportunity thru scholarship I can go to South Korea to learn their language deeper. That 4 months were definitely a great time for me at once a hard time for me. By the hard that I mean is, I learned a lot of things. As now is winter break, I went back to Indonesia to spend my break with my family and my beloved ones. Honestly, I don't want to go back to South Korea, I hate to leave my family and my friends. I realized while I was studying there I missed a lot of moments with my people. My niece's first birthday, my dad's birthday, and more. Then I realized another thing, that's part of life. We have to move on. Life will never be the same as it used to be. One by one people leave you, not completely leave you, but they will busy with their own life and you have to move on with your own life too. I have two older brothers, and when they got married one by one, I was so sad because I felt that from now on they will have their own family and we will not be together as we used to be. But, that is life. My friends, one by one they got married and it will not be the same as we used to be. Chats, will not as long as it used to be. Calls, will not as easy as it used to be. Meetups, will not as often as it used to be. We busy with our own life, our own problems, and anything else. All of that, taught me if that is the cycle of life. We have to keep moving on. We have to realize that things will never be the same as before. On the other side, better opportunities, better chances, better things are waiting for us.

I haven't made my new year resolutions this year, but for sure is one, will try to move on from the thing that I used to.

Happy New Year 2018, people!

IT'S REAL GUYS!

The reason why I haven't been posted for a while is that because I'm in the middle of doing a thing that I wait for years. Okay, I can't call that a reason, but yeah sorry not sorry guys. Haha

Anyway, I'm going to South Korea soon!! Real soon!! Not for traveling, for studying. FOR. STUDYING! Oh, my God. Still can't believe it, but it's real. I feel like have a thing to remind myself every single time that all of this is real.

So, I'd been preparing for all things together and it's so complicated, requires a lot of time and documents prepared.

The thing that I want to share with you is, I got scholarship !! Yeay!!

Not a full scholarship tho, just the tuition but it's more than enough for me because the most expensive thing when you wanna go studying abroad is the tuition, isn't it?

Short story, after a long wait, my Dad finally gave me permission to pursue my study. That's why all of this can happen and of course with permission of Him. Thank you, God. I can't thank You enough.

It's the best thing ever that happened to me this year. In the beginning of the year, I promise myself to do something that I really want and to get out from my comfort zone and He gives me the way and it's much more than I expected. Beyond my imagination.

Fyi, I got a scholarship language school for the Korean language. Yes, I do have a plan to pursue my master degree too in South Korea, but first I have to know more about their language, right?

I will update you soon with more information about how I got the scholarship and where is the university that I got in.

I'll be back ;)

idk

Sometimes, I have a thought to shut down all my social media accounts including this blog. Should I?

Hello June! It's Getting Closer.

Time surely flies so fast.
We are already in the sixth chapter of this year, already a half of it!!

In the beginning of the year, I told myself to make this year as my year and now I'm in progress to make it come true guyssss.. Yay!!

Everything wasn't going easily as I wish, there are still some obstacles that I got. Not a big obstacles tho, but big enough to make me give up. Yeap

The more I did something to get me closer to thing that I want, the more I feel afraid to face it.

Yet I need to keep going to see what's waiting for me.

I am a deep thinker, you know. So, I decided to tell my close friend, when I told her about what I am feeling about, she told me something that makes me realize that I still hold on my own strength. She told me,"You have to believe in Him. Believe what he already prepared for your future. If you are afraid, that means you're not believing Him enough to put your life in Him. And, it means you're arrogant. You have to put your faith in Him. As long as you do your best, everything will be alright."

I am still afraid tho, human indeed. However, I'll try as hard as I can. I'll try to believe in His plan and to put my faith in Him. Sounds so holy tho, haha. Yet it's the truth.

Mom.

It's been 8 years since you've been gone.

It's still like a dream for me.

I'm still wishing you were here.

Surely, there was a time when I terribly wanted you to be by my side.

When I didn't know which way to go, what choice that I should make.

If you were still alive, I'm sure that you'll help me how to choose the good one without pushing me to do what you wanted me to do.

If you were still alive, I promise I would be a better daughter for you, even not a perfect one.

If you were still alive, I would like to take a ton of selfies with you. I realized that we didn't take pictures enough Haha

If you were still alive, I believe that you would be my best friend ever. Mom and daughter squad! Yay ;)

If you were still alive...

I believe everything would be different if you were still here.

Nonetheless, I'm so thankful to you, Mom.

I realized that I should treasure every moment, every second of it.

Tell people around me that I'm so thankful for their presence.

Tell Dad that I love him, as much as possible, still a little bit weird tho, Mom. HAHA

But I want to make sure that I didn't make the same mistakes as I did to you. 

I promise I will be a good daughter, a good sister, and a good friend for people who care about me.

You're continuing to teach me how to be a better me, even when you're gone.

Miss you a little bit too much.

I always will be your little naughty daughter ;)

Love you, Mom. Always and forever ♥

Fear.

These days, the world is getting scarier.

Do It for Yourself

Surely, all of us want to be a better version of ourselves. We keep improving ourselves in anyways. In the middle of changing ourselves for becoming a better one, we hurt ourselves; we push ourselves too hard but we do not realize it. Do not realize that we are not changing ourselves to become a better one but ironically, we do hurt ourselves more in a stealthy way. Some of us, changing ourselves for ourselves. Some of us, changing ourselves for other people. It's a great thing if you change yourselves to improve your idea of yourself. BUT! It's not a good thing if you change yourself for others. Just to make a good impression on them. Believe me. There's no end of it.

Yeah, I know, even the reason is for ourselves, there's no end of it too. But at least, it does not hurt us because we do it for ourselves. Not somebody else.

We will never be enough in someone eyes, even if we do everything as they say. We will never be enough. Our standard and their standard are different. Every one of us has a different standard.

So, why do you have to change for them? 

Change yourself for you.

A better you, your idea of you, not someone else.

Stop Thinking, Start Doing.

I heard this word a lot, many times, from anyone.

I am a thinker, deep-thinker. I always thinking a lot before deciding on something. Does it a good thing? Yes, it is a good thing BUT if you do it appropriately. Not too much. Here I am, doing it excessively. Just think, think, and think. Walking on the same spot, too afraid moving forward. With help from my dearly friends, I started to do something, to do something in my life, at least once. To defeat my own fear.

At the beginning of the year, I promised myself that I will make this year my year. Doesn't mean that I will do a big thing, even I'm hoping for it. Haha. But I mean, I want to make difference in my life which I feel like I wasn't doing anything since I graduated 3 years ago from college. I did something in these past 3 years, of course. Yet, I still thinking about something that I wish I would do 3 years ago. It's not late, far from late. But, as I used to my comfort zone in these past 3 years, I feel the fear is creeping into me. I am so afraid to leave all of this, my family, my friends, and the lifestyle that I used to. On the other hand, my heart is whispering, slowly but often. These past 3 years, I have been struggling often to sleep early because of the voice inside my head. Therefore, I am trying to listen to that voice. I will not waste my time anymore to do something that against my conscience. I will try to follow it, perhaps it's really my call.

Good luck, myself! :)

Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.

Keep going. You are doing okay.

♥